Third Elegy, Third Verse
Silent Land

 

 

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land
Christina Rossetti

03 Septimus 6491, late
Battlestar Galactica: Commander's Quarters.


Tired of waiting, Athena had lit the candles by the time that Apollo arrived at their father's quarters.

She'd already set out the traditional remembrance food: the simple meal of bread and fruit, and wine from a vineyard that was a wasteland now. Lighting the candles was the last thing, and everything was ready. She set the big-branched candelabrum in the centre of the table. The engineers had been told to conserve power as much as possible by powering the ship down for the night: the room was dimly lit and cold. The candles made the dim room mellow and golden, softening the corners and ceiling with shadows. Nothing made the cold easier. Athena had a wide woollen scarf pinned around her shoulders and was wearing fingerless gloves, but even so she'd cupped her hands around one of the candle flames more than once in an attempt to take the chill from her fingers.

She repositioned a plate so it was in a perfect line with the one opposite. There. That was better.

She sat back. There was nothing more to do but wait. At least Apollo was back. She didn't have to worry that they'd be delaying this once again.

He'd got back from Caprica just before she'd come off duty, coming straight up to the bridge. He didn't say anything to her about whatever it was he'd been doing down there; there were too many secrets and he was better than most at keeping them. But it was strange that the first thing they did after putting him in charge was send him on a dangerous mission. At least he'd said hello before disappearing into the bridge office with their father, Tigh and old Sire Anton. She was glad he was back and that he'd brought Starbuck back in one piece. Mind you, she had no idea why he thought he'd had to drag Starbuck down there in the first place. Joined at the hip sometimes, those two.

She chewed on her lower lip, considering. Starbuck had a lot of fun playing the fool, but he wasn't one. He was very far from being one. He knew about Joss, he'd said so. But still he was friends with Apollo, didn't seem to care about what Joss meant. Those last few sectons before the destruction of the Colonies, he'd spent every spare centon in Apollo's company. She'd scarcely seen him.

And since Cimtar... well, it didn't really matter now, did it?

It didn't make any kind of sense. Apollo wasn't the sort of devil-may-care life and soul of the party kind of person that Starbuck was. He was more like Athena; quiet and serious. Oh, of course he was brave and everything, but he didn't do it with Starbuck's panache and nonchalance. Starbuck breezed through life, while she and Apollo plodded along behind being earnest and staid. They both did restrained well.

If that was what Starbuck liked, then she was as just good as Apollo was at it. It just didn't seem fair that he'd drop everything to be with Apollo and only give her a smile in passing. And the least he could have done was look sorrier that she didn't want to marry him. He'd just looked astonished. Well, maybe no-one had ever turned down the great Starbuck before. Maybe it was time someone did. Long past time.

She sighed so heavily that the candle flame flickered, and slumped into her chair.

Damn Starbuck.

She was nibbling on the stickiest date she could find when Apollo finally arrived.

"Dad'll be here in a few centons. He and Anton were just finishing up." He leaned over her to give her a kiss on the cheek and she let him. She'd been letting him do that since it all happened. Maybe it made him feel better, more secure.

"I hope he isn't long." She glanced at the timepiece hung on the wall. "We have to do this before midnight."

"He knows. There's so much to get through, Thenie. I sometimes wonder if he ever sleeps."

"We should have done this three days ago. It's not right to do it late."

"I don't think that Mamma and Zac will worry too much about it."

"It's not respectful."

"They'd understand. I wasn't here three days ago, anyway, and I shouldn't miss this."

She sniffed, and took her time to choose another date. They were rich and sweet, and soon there would be no more of them. They'd never see one again, most likely.

"Anton and Colonel Tigh will join us later, for the actual meal." Apollo watched her.

"They aren't family."

"They are now. Anton seems to adopted all of us, and Tigh's Dad's best friend and has no one else."

She put both elbows on the table and propped her chin on her hands. She didn't care about Tigh and Anton. "I just want this to be over. It's all so..." She hunched the shoulder nearest to him unable to find the right word. "I don't know what's going on half the time. You do, though."

"What they tell me about. And that's not everything."

"You know more than me. And you got to go home. I want to go home."

"Home's not there anymore. There's nothing there anymore. No one should ever go back again." He sat back in his chair, as slumped as she was. "It'll be better when this is over."

"Nothing will ever be better again. Will it?"

He actually laughed. It didn't sound like he meant it, but he laughed. "No. It won't."

She gave him a tight little smile and offered him the box of dates; a reward for not telling her soothing little lies, the way most people tried to tell her lies. She didn't need lies.

She didn't know what she needed, but she knew that.



They'd finished most of the dates and Apollo was eyeing the wine when their father arrived, full of apologies for being late.

"Tigh and Anton will join us in a centar. That should give us enough time." He stooped to kiss Athena and smooth her hair with one hand; the other rested on Apollo's shoulder. "They have their own remembrances to make."

It should be just family. But there was no point protesting. He never listened to her, and only sometimes listened to Apollo. Mamma had been the only one he really took any notice of and Mamma was gone.

Adama went into his bedroom to get something, snaffling the last date as he went. He came back out with Mamma's treasure box. He looked a little shamefaced at Athena's surprise and Apollo's raised eyebrow. "I went back to Caprica when you were at Demeter, Apollo. I went to see how the refugee operation was working, making sure that people got onto ships. But I'll confess that I also went to get this. What she kept in it was important to your mother. I've added some of Zac's things, too."

They sat on the floor in as close to a circle as three people could manage, the box open in front of them. Their father went first, choosing a velvet covered jewellery case and a holopic. Apollo laughed again when he picked out one of Zac's Triad gloves, and it sounded more like he meant it this time, but his face was sad when what he chose for Mamma's remembrance was a piece of paper with a star drawn on it in crayon. Athena chose a brooch, a spray of diamond flowers that Mamma had loved and worn so often, and a crystal block set with a lock of Zac's hair. The lump in her throat was painful and her eyes burned, and she held crystal and brooch so tightly that the sharp edges pressed into her hand. They left red marks behind.

Their father opened his mouth to start, but before he could speak, Apollo took a holopic from his pocket and put it on the floor in front of him, beside the glove and paper. Who was... oh. Rosie smiled back out at them all from the holopic, caught there forever in her dress uniform with silver braid on her shoulder and a row of medals on her breast.

Athena hadn't known Rosie very well, but both the parents had liked her. Mamma had hoped Apollo would marry her, she knew that. The holopic was all right, it fitted. It was right that Apollo should remember Rosie. And she and Mamma had had lunch with her once, not long before Athena had graduated. She could say something about that as her remembrance.

"She was a very pretty girl," said their father, touching the holopic with a finger tip. "I liked her, Apollo."

"I did, too. I would have married her." Apollo grimaced. "Except she was too smart to be second best."

Adama nodded. "But still, it's right that we remember her."

"Thank you." Apollo reached back into the pocket and put something else down beside the holopic. It was one of those queer ancient things he loved so much, a bug of some sort, carved from a greenish stone about four inches long. It was horrible, ugly.

"This is for Joss," he said, and when Athena would have protested and Adama looked grave, he just insisted. "I know it's three yahrens since I broke up with him, but we were together for more than eight yahrens. I know you didn't like him, Dad, and you never forgave him, but once I loved Joss so much I thought I'd die from it. I still love him. Maybe not the same way, but he was very important to me and I want to remember him tonight."

Athena looked to Adama for guidance. Wasn't it bad enough that they had strangers coming to share the remembrance meal without Joss being dragged into it as well? Hadn't Joss done enough damage to their family? And really, Apollo ought to know better.

But her father let her down again.

Adama leaned forward and touched the bug thing. "What is it?"

"A heart scarab. It's a very fine one; museum quality. Sixteenth dynasty. They were usually put in the mummy linen, to help protect the body so that one day it would be reborn. They looked after the heart. This one's green basalt—the green represents rebirth." Apollo's eyes were very bright and he gave another of those short laughs that sounded more like crying. "Joss owned this for yahrens and I always loved it. He gave it to me the day we broke up, giving me my heart back again."

Very romantic, Athena was sure. She looked away, embarrassed.

Their father really did have a blind spot when it came to Apollo. He was far too indulgent. "I'd be glad to remember Joss with you tonight, Apollo."

Apollo nodded his thanks and Athena sighed. She didn't have much of anything good to say about Joss. Apollo couldn't expect her to. She supposed she could say something about how miserable Joss had been when Apollo was missing on Telnos. Joss had shattered that big glass sculpture he'd had in his living room; something to do with a sacrifice to the beloved dead. Just the sort of thing an archaeologist would do. She could say that, she supposed.

"We'd better begin. Your mother first." Adama opened the velvet case in front of him. He took out her wedding tiara and Athena gasped at how beautiful it was, all scrolls and little pinnacles, set with diamonds that shone and sparkled in the candlelight. His hands had to be shaking for it to sparkle so much. "I first saw this when your mother came into the temple the day we were sealed. It held her veil in place. I was pretty nervous about the whole thing, I can tell you; getting married is no joke. But when the music sounded and the choir started to sing as she came into the temple, I turned to watch her and knew then I was marrying the most beautiful woman on Caprica... "




Our dead are never dead to us, until we have forgotten them.
                                                         George Eliot.